Dear mutherfucking Darth, how the fucking hell are ya? Hey, man, it's been a while, but I haven't had time to drop you a line due to all the goddam fucking piece of shit problems I've been having with my stupidmutherfuckinggodampieceofshit computer. So I apologize for that. Sorry bro. Been busy fixing your shit n'shit.
So anyway, just to catch up a bit, yes, I'm still working on my Big Project (hush hush). Yes, I know it's taking me several more years to complete that I expected. But you know why that is, don't you? Yup. Because your fucking operating system sucks shit, mostly. Yup. That's why. You really left the entire fucking world in the lurch with your shit, didn't you?
Actually, I'm still kinda curious how much you've personally cost the entire world in terms of lost productivity over the past 30 years. I'm going to guess somewhere in the trillion dollar range. Maybe two trillion? And I'm going to surmise that the cost goes up exponentially every year as people try to build their own crapware on top of your sedimentary mountain of crapware. Good job.
So, Dark Side of the Force shit is working out for ya, I guess, eh? Cool, man! Cool! Happy for ya.
Anyway, my fucking computer needs to be rebooted again, for the second time today because after a few development tasks it kinda slows down to a crawl and screens that are on the task bar pop up and then disappear for no reason and black boxes appear on the screen. Yup. I know. Maybe it's a virus, right? Except why would I get a virus? Because your OS sucks mutherfuckingshit and left me vulnerable to it? Oh. Yeah. There's that. But on the other hand I used all the latest tools on the machine to find out if there is a virus and everything reports that there is none. Rootkit or otherwise. So ... that leaves your stinking-ass piece of shit OS to consider. I wonder what it could be? Gosh. Who knows? There is no way to know, is there? Seriously. Like even your top engineers on the Death Star would have no clue, wouldn't they? Yup. I guessed.
Anyway, I don't mean to bother your lazy fat fucking ass with my problems. I just thought I'd drop a line since it's been a while and I have a lot of free time while trying to close my programs in order to reboot, which takes at least 20 minutes because the machine is so slow (yes I looked in task manager you dumb fuck and there's nothing to see there).
So anywaaaay, I hope all is going well on the Death Star and you're Force Choking all your enemies and listening to the lamentations of their women and shit. I know how you love that.
Ok well till next time, toodaloo!
Sincerely,
Your fan always,
Darth Developer
